WHEN A DESI ARRIVES IN INDIA FROM USA

Begins conversation with “When I was in US…” or “In US….”

Takes the cabin luggage box for short visits in India, tries to roll the bag on Indian roads.

From the luggage bags does not remove the airline stickers even after 4 months.

Looks suspiciously towards hotel and dhaba food.

Avoids eating more chilli (hot) food.

Pronounces “Schedule” as “skejule”, and “module” as ‘mojule”

Tries to drink “diet coke” instead of normal coke.

Tries to complain about anything in India, as if he is experiencing it for the first time.

Writes date as mm/dd/yyyy instead of dd/mm/yyyy, says “Oh! British style”

Sneezes and says “Excuse me”

Sprays Deo such, so that he does need to take bath.

Drinks and carries mineral water and always speaks of health (as if very health conscious).

Tries to use credit card in road side hotels, pan shops and with all vendors.

Says all the distances in miles (not in kilometers) and counts in millions (not in lakhs)

Tries to figure all the prices in dollars as far as possible (but deep down the heart multiples by 40 times)

Even after two months of his arrival, complains of Jet Lag.

Makes fun of Indian Standard Time and Indian Road conditions.

Tries to see the % of fat on the cover of a milk packet.

Does not forget to crib about air pollution. Keeps cribbing every time he steps out.

When needs to say Z (Zed), repeats “Zee” several times, if other person unable to get, then says X, Y, Zee (but never says Zed).

Says “hey” instead of “hi”. Says “yogurt” instead of “curds”. Says “cab” instead of “taxi”

Says “candy” instead of “chocolate”. Says “cookie” instead of ‘biscuit”.

Says “free way”Instead of “high way”. Says “got to go” instead of “have to go”. Says “Oh” instead of “Zero” (for 504, says five oh four instead of five zero four)